BE YOUR OWN VALENTINE!
“No amount of self-improvement can make up for
any lack of self-acceptance.”
If you’re like me, you might have sighed a bit of relief when January ended. January has a reputation for demanding that we make a big push to complete everything that didn’t get finished, accomplished or experienced last year.
For most of us, this isn’t a new challenge. It’s just a new version of wishing that has cycled around again.
Rather than engaging in forward momentum we can get stuck in what we believe might be lacking in our lives. From this self-imposed pressure, we begin to judge and criticize ourselves for not doing or being more!
Which brings us into February; the month of love.
The hoax of February is that love and acknowledgement can be found outside of ourselves. We search for validation from others as proof that we are more than we’ve been judging ourselves to be!
And here is where Robert Holden’s quote provides us some clarity and direction.
No matter what effort we make to improve ourselves, we will fail if we come from a place of self-judgment. We must learn to acknowledge and accept where we are in the present, before we can successfully make any changes.
Here are 3 daily practices that I use to help me to be present and to process the energies that can sabotage my growth and happiness. I offer these as a guideline to support you to Be Your Own Valentine:
1) Monitor your Self-Talk. You know that constant berating that goes round in your head, questioning your decisions, doubting your abilities, and judging your value? Listen to the language you use when you talk to yourself or about yourself with others.
When you become aware of how negative or condescending you sound, stop! Take a deep breath and then reframe what you have said to yourself in a positive supportive way.
- Ask yourself if what you just said is really true?
- Restate your message in the same voice and words you would use
when talking with a child, a close friend, or your beloved pet.
- When you hear yourself use the word “should,” replace it with “could.”
It’s amazing how changing one word can transform the entire emotional energy of your message.
2) Random Forgiveness. The moment you become aware you are beating yourself up for a perceived or perhaps real mistake you’ve made, practice this short energy shifter.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself these questions out loud:
Could I let go of needing to beat myself up about this, just for now?
Breathe. (yes)
Just for now, could I forgive myself for whatever mistake I believe I’ve made?
Breathe. (yes)
And when I forgive myself, how does that make me feel?
Breathe. (state the feeling - good, better, relieved)
Could I allow myself to just feel (your feeling) for now?
Breathe. (yes)
Developing a spontaneous practice of forgiving yourself may seem a bit lame or unnecessary. Yet when we make a habit of checking in with ourselves to clear our personal judgements, we give our negative energies a way to dissipate before we can stuff them!
3) Acknowledge & Accept. Each time we catch ourselves doing something good, or following through to complete something important to us, we cast a ripple of appreciation on our hearts.
When we make a point to acknowledge ourselves (out loud is always most powerful) we ease out our resistance and create a space for self-acceptance.
When we let go of our need to make ourselves more, we set ourselves free! From this place of self-acceptance, we can see, love and appreciate who we already are!