The Power of Focus

Yesterday I took a saliva test.  For those of you who have done the same, you know what it entails.  For the rest of you, I'll spare the details.  It's actually a very handy test for acquiring information. And in my case, specific to my adrenal and hormonal function.  

I proudly completed the test. My biggest personal challenge was the requirement I sustain from coffee, tea, and chocolate for the 24 hour period.  Emotionally, I let go of needing my morning coffee, afternoon chocolate, and evening tea.  Yet the physical reactions I experienced from their absence were surprising and unsettling. I had low energy in the morning and felt out of sync all day.  At work,  I felt fuzzy and lethargic.  My day felt confusing and difficult.

 What I really wanted to do was nap or perhaps hide from the public. As I plowed on, I developed a new awareness -        I was tired.  I had been "burning the candle at both ends"as my Father would say.   It took the break from stimulants to acknowledge how much I push myself, how little I rest, and how much energy I expel on the stress of     my Life; the stress that I create!

I became aware of something else I have been doing to myself.  I've misdirected my Focus.
I have been concentrating my time, attention, and energy on my "human-doing-ness" rather than being the human; I am. For me to change, I must first become aware and then accept, rather than fight, what I discover.   Buddha says, "It is the resistance to what is,
that creates the suffering."

There is a Universal principle that states, whatever we focus on ~ expands.  Slowing down allowed me to see the direction and quality of my choices.

Why is it, that I require uncomfortable reminders that I am not living from my authentic place? That I am racing to compete, complete, and to be acknowledged from the outside?  Why do I choose to experience dis-ease, confusion, and self punishment when I could choose to listen within, and live out ~ happy, joyous and free?

 I have the power to change my Life.  I am the power and the one responsible for my choices.  No matter at what starting block I stand, it is my choice which direction to jump, or whether to jump
at all.

As this Holiday season encroaches,  the traditional celebrations of my Life and memory, have transformed.  And so I have a choice. I can look longingly at the past and what was, or choose to be present and embrace what is ~today.  Shifting my focus engages my energy and directs my power to create the experience I want.  

My focus is Love.

Being present~ acknowledging, listening, trusting
and loving, myself.  
Loving my neighbor as myself.
Doing on to others as I would have them, do onto me!  

And in the words of John Lennon and Paul McCartney:

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be,

There's nothing you can know that isn't known,

Nothing you can see that isn't shown,

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be 

 It's easy.

All you need is Love, Love is all you need!

Love is.

A Celebration of Gratitude

The celebration of Thanksgiving reminds me of what is most important, most valued, and most meaningful. It is a time in our country when everyone seems to agree on the message.  Hearts soften, generosity is expressed, and many people demonstrate a kinder, more present, side of themselves. It is my favorite holiday for these reasons. 

Thanksgiving marks a time of repose in the year.  It offers an opportunity for us to come together and to share ~ to acknowledge Life's blessings with gratitude.  

 
This Thanksgiving, may your hearts be full

of gratitude and your lives, abundant and fulfilling. 

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough, and more.
 

It turns denial into acceptance,

chaos to order,

confusion to clarity.
 

It can turn a meal into a feast,

a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
 

Gratitude makes sense of our past,

brings peace for today,

and creates a vision for tomorrow."

                                    ~ Melody Beattie

Finding the Balance

October 11th was my father's birthday.  He would have celebrated his 88th year. Instead, we  Celebrated him by honoring the memories of the love and life we shared, and by missing this wonderful, generous man who filled the great hole in our lives, to overflowing.... 

"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go!" - Rumi

Seeing the feather beneath my feet, once again directly in my path, I am filled with a mixture of joy and the familiar pang of ache in my heart.  So close, so real, yet not here in the usual way.

Those of us who are familiar - recognize that it comes in waves- this wanting to shout, or run, then hide, move too fast away, and finally, for little glimmers of time, settling, accepting, even surrendering to its embrace...our companion, new or longstanding, "our grief".  

I've never understood how the world can keep on ticking, keep on pushing around me, as if no one or no thing has changed.  As if the grief that consumes me is somehow not obvious, that the implosion of my heart cannot be seen, that the confusion and loss of my familiar perception is not significant - other than to me!

During our Grief as a Spiritual Teacher class, I heard a new concept  from Dr Patty.  It is a mantra of explanation for my experience - as I thrash in grief's torrid wave or float, spent, in my sea of tears.

  "Grief will ask us to create a new Norm"

Grief, as an energy, has a Life of it's own.  It is fluid and solid, dark and enlightening, obvious and invisible.  It moves in waves or pounces unexpectedly.  Cunningly it approaches, slowly rising to the surface.  Or just as effectively, it instantly smothers my heart, without warning -tightly wrapping it's chains of fear and restriction. 

Ignored and repressed, it festers, and oozes out in the most disturbing ways.  And then out of my control, it is feared, even revered, threatening and powerful. I've discovered grief, like most wounds, benefits from attention to help it dissipate and heal.

Grief; a shapeshifter, can also be a gift.  It reminds me to slow down, to be present - to be compassionate and loving.  It creates an infinite space for my forgiveness..... it is a new way, a new relationship; one that stays with me, patiently waiting for me to notice, to acknowledge and engage.

Grief offers me a new Life process.  It allows me to feel, to deal, and ultimately, to learn to heal and grow!

  ...an excerpt from

The Book of Awakening, Mark Nepo

"I've learned that grief can be a slow ache that never seems to stop rising, yet as we grieve, those we love mysteriously become more and more a part of who we are.  In this way, grief is yet another song the heart must sing to open the gate of all there is."

The Stuff That Matters

"The most important things in life ~ Aren't things."  ~Anthony J D'Angelo

My sisters & I have been cleaning out our parents home. It is a challenging task of dismantling over 40 years accumulation of furniture, travel mementos, collection of treasures, volumes of photo albums, some clutter, and the energy, emotions and memories embedded in the "things" that reflect their Lives.

The surface stuff is easily dealt with. It's identifiable, light, relatively insignificant yet it serves as a shield for what's hidden beneath.

We work in layers, clearing away the barrier of distraction- the stuff none of us is attached to. Gearing up before each work session, we prepare ourselves for the next go around. Once focused, we're able to systematically make decisions as to the future of each item.

Is it trash? - the clutter, easily bagged, detached, and complete

Or charitable? -another person's treasure, shared with a light heart and dispersed with enthusiasm

Is it worthy of consideration? - causing a lull in the process and qualifying it for yet another evaluation

Could it be meaningful? - a treasured, tangible possession, filled with emotion and memory, anchored in the present

We make good progress in creating piles. We physically move items to the garage or to a corner personally designated for someone's new stuff. However, the energy of our activity diminishes as we plunge into the objects that are meaningful. As in an auction, each item is brought up, evoking memories and stories of our experiences and relationship with it.

We reminisce in laughter, joking and teasing, or shed a tear in lessons learned, reliving the encouragement and love we still feel. Occasionally when we get stuck, whether a hiccup or a cliffhanger, we are reminded in Mother's voice, "No big deal girls, it's just stuff!"

Working on this daunting task with my sisters has generated much introspection. During my quiet drives up and down Bear Creek Canyon, I am alone to process my thoughts and feelings. What I have come to recognize is that this experience is just another metaphor in life's journey.

We are Spiritual beings having a physical, human experience. The Universal Law of Reflection is demonstrated by our inner world living out in the "things and results" of our outer world. This event in my life is the epitome of transformation: the process of letting go, being open to something new, and allowing myself to move forward. It is the cycle of Life!

In keeping with my commitment to self-actualization, what do I do, now, with this new awareness?

What internal stuff am I to be letting go of?

What is the trash of my thoughts?

What am I busy doing for others that is not mine to do?

What have I deemed worthy- about myself or how I show up in the world?

What is truly meaningful?  What is MY significance, integrity, and purpose?

Deep within me, I hear my inner wisdom reminding me ~

shed the superficial, the barrier of things,

and clear the path to what resides,

in my Heart

            ~the stuff that matters...

Take Measure of a Man

Last July, his body riddled with melanoma and given a prognosis of 3 to 6 months, my Father, championed by his three daughters, made a tough decision. Hearts heavy with uncertainty, the decision was made to stop focusing on his disease; the Dr’s appointments, the endless tests, the diverse opinions and well meaning recommendations. No longer would we allow the cancer that was consuming his body, to consume our lives as well. We shared eleven more months together -Celebrating Life!  When my Father passed recently and  joined our Mother, we mostly rejoiced -in gratitude and peace.

        “Only when a tree has fallen can you take the measure of it.
                       It is the same with a man”  ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

    How do you “take measure” of a tree?  Or for that matter, of a man?

 I learned as a girl that you can tell the age of a tree by counting the number of rings
displayed in its trunk.  The tree’s core is tightly wound portraying the infancy of it’s Life. As the tree grows, it expresses itself, outwardly into the world, with each passing  year.  When I think of “taking measure of a man”, of my Father, fragments of his rings, bond together to span a lifetime of 87 years.

 Through living his life, my Father taught me about honesty, persistence, justice, responsibility, integrity, generosity, discipline, commitment, loyalty & Love!
Several values I learned from him, float up to me now as cherished memories.

Whether it was taking out the trash, wiping down the kitchen counter, picking up litter, or raking leaves, doing a thorough and complete job was paramount. I remember watching my Dad mow the lawn in the back yard, shirtless and in bermudas.  He skillfully trimmed the grass in a systematic pattern, then moved the sprinkler every few feet, his activity, synchronized to a science.  ~the satisfaction of a job well done

 Family trips were special times where we got to have all of him!  He was more tolerant of our childish energy and even enjoyed our antics. He played games with us in the pool-short man/tall man, throwing us in the air- we flew like dolphins before disappearing under the water to come back around for our next turn. And those special dinners out with his “four girls", the adoration and devotion to my Mother, his soul mate of 62 years ~the joy of love & family

 Teaching me to build the perfect fire in the fireplace of our family room- beginning with bringing in the right kindling and logs from the garage, wadding single sheets of newspaper into a ball, laying the fuel out like a log cabin, and with stick matches- lighting it back to front.  And then the importance of tending the fire....oh, how I love the tending, even today. ~an advantageous, lifelong skill

 Allowing me to join him on the roof of our house to help adjust the weather vane- I remember feeling bigger than life, exhilarated! Standing on top of the world, looking out over our neighborhood, I felt safe & special with my Dad. 
~the elation of sharing a heightened perspective

 Teaching me to Drive!  To practice safely, he took me out on the dirt roads in the country (in those days, there were dirt roads and there was country)  We were rambling along when he instructed me to turn right at the next intersection. I promptly did so, skidding on the gravel and ending up in the ditch facing the other direction.  Whether I was more afraid of what had just happened or of what my Father was going to say, I don't know. Yet, in his deep, steady “learn this lesson” voice, he turned to me and said slowly, “Jani, in the future; you're going to want to slow down, before you turn!" ~the gift of appropriate feedback/instruction

The rings of a tree tell us only the number of years the tree lived. They share nothing of its character or the story of its journey.  There are no words, no manner of expression, that can begin to convey the  quality of a Life or the value of a man.  

Certainly in my heart,  my Father was, 

and will always be ~ 

beyond measure!

Take a moment to Breathe... and ask yourself:

Why do we hesitate in the present - to acknowledge the greatness of our loved ones?  

What is it we wait for - before honoring and celebrating their unique contribution?   

What if we decide - to express our love and gratitude today?

And what if  we let go - of our reasons to wait?