Recently, I started a cleanse to help me realign with my mindful eating. It took me six months to become willing to be present and honest with myself. I know what supports my body and I know that sugar and caffeine are just empty place holders.
Why then do I allow myself to get so far off course?
Losing my positive focus and direction doesn’t happen over night. I get there as an incremental manifestation of my choices over time. It is the The Slight Edge.
When I fall out of my routine, I have a tendency to feel overwhelmed and disconnected. I beat myself up for feeling this way and judge myself for not Being centered. This may sound silly yet those negative critical messages have the power to weave up to choke my daily well being. They eventually demand my undivided attention.
If I am feeling especially vulnerable and stressed out I give in to my need to escape or hide. What I am really running from is my feeling of fear and my need to be certain.
This is an old pattern of mine. I look outside myself for the perfect solution to make me feel better and to “help me cope”. It’s my need for emotional comfort that directs my desperate choice to seek a quick fix.
Before May 19,1988 I filled my emotional holes by obsessing with alcohol and cocaine. In early sobriety my sponsor once asked me if I wanted a bat to make my regular beatings easier for me. That question along with its’ image has served me many times over the years. It is such a visual cue.
As with any quick fix for a while the drugs appeared to provide immediate relief. Yet the quieting of my punishing thoughts was only temporary.
How do I get to where I can shift the tides of my focus and climb out of the ruts I’ve built for myself?
Well, it takes what it takes! When I am sick and tired of being sick and tired I am ready to make a change. I let go of looking outside of myself for answers. I become willing to believe that I deserve to feel better and be happy.
I make a decision to take responsibility for myself and the quality of my Life.
The first step to making any change is to become aware and accepting of “what is” in the present. I choose to let go of resisting and judging myself… just for now.
I remind myself that I am only human and it is our nature to make mistakes. That’s how we learn. I reframe the language I use and recognize the that negative messages I hear ~ are from the past.
When I let go of holding on to what I don’t want, I create a space within me that is open and receptive. In this present moment I am connected with my Highest Self and my inner wisdom.
And it is here… where I can hear ... my answers to what’s next?
What are you ready to change so you can be free of needing to flog yourself?
Please share your thoughts with us in the comments below.