Reviving My Dreams
What? Wait a minute. That doesn’t sound right. My dreams are waiting for Me to come true? Oh…NOW I get it.
This past year, I have been visiting my creative self from a critical, perhaps untrusting place. Turning 65 in May somehow jinxed my appreciation for all that I have accomplished and more specifically, hindered my faith in my ability to create more!
I was asked in a coaching session, what accomplishments must happen so I consider my Life to have been satisfying and well-lived?
Easily the milestones of my 31 years of sobriety, motherhood, and publishing my first book -flowed up in response. What I valued next was providing for my family, showing up daily with integrity, traveling and experiencing other cultures, practicing with myself and others -forgiveness and love.
But it was the next question I was asked that really stumped me.
What secret ambition, desire or dream do I fantasize about?
My mind went blank. I searched for an answer and came up with nothing. Hum…apparently I hadn’t fantasized in a very long time. And as I looked at that void in my Life, I realized I’d missed out on all the natural joy that comes with it.
Most of my Life I’ve imagined how I’d like the next decade or phase of my Life to look. My dreams generally presented with intuitive clarity and I set goals to move forward in my chosen direction. Somewhere in my mid 50’s, my clearly defined path became obscure and disjointed. Not in a bad way, just uncharted, unfamiliar, I felt ignorant to the new possibilities.
Do you remember a time (the 70’s perhaps?) when folks who were “reborn” talked about finding God? I always enjoyed hearing the cheeky response, Oh? I didn’t know God was lost!
Similarly, it was not my dreams that were lost, but my connection to my intuition and focus. As I thought about the dreams that were waiting for me, a slow internal smile warmed through my heart.
Of course my dreams wait for me. They’re my dreams! They belong to me and are of my own creation. My dreams wait for me- ever so patiently- to imagine, to align vibrationally, and to take responsible action to manifest them!
My dreams are the parts of me I have yet to express to the outside world.
I sat with this awareness for a bit. I traveled back through the year to discover that I had been fantasizing all along- it just looked and felt different than before.
My ambitions, desires, and dreams have actually evolved into 3 categories, a kind of triangular foundation for self expression:
🕉 Personal Self Care
I returned to Nick’s Pro Fitness after an 8 year hiatus since my Mother died. Nick Kapande still inspires and motivates me to stay aligned with my personal integrity and self-discipline.
In just 3 weeks, my physical, mental, and emotional health have been rejuvenated. I’m enjoying a renewed sense of belonging and connection. And most importantly, I feel really good about myself and my health!
☯️ Cultivate Quality Relationships
One thing I learned from my nasty fall in June, is that my new equine partner Milo, speaks a whole different language than the one I knew with Peanut Butter. Our initial bond remains strong and true. Yet now I realize the value of learning together- the rhythm and dance of a new relationship.
I reconnected with Tanya Buck, my original trainer, riding coach, and long time friend. With Tanya to help show us the way, I trust Milo and I are in for a beautiful journey together.
☸️ My Professional Contribution
Three years ago I closed my business office and classroom. I wrote my Celebrate! book and blogs from home. I traveled to meet with my coaching clients at the library, in conference rooms, back tables at restaurants, while hiking outdoors, and in their private homes. It all worked well until it didn’t.
I acknowledged my deep desire for my own creative, quiet, space.
I believed I deserved to have it. I gave myself permission and honored my decision by taking action.
And just like that, my new perfect office surfaced! It has space for small groups, coaching, and even a writing nook. It’s within walking distance from home and preserves the old Evergreen energy and charm that I have treasured for over 39 years. Already my enthusiasm and creativity are reignited and I haven’t even moved in!